If you're the kind of person who likes to have big goals and accomplish things, odds are that you've interacted with Imposter Syndrome before. Imposter Syndrome, defined as "a false and sometimes crippling belief that one's successes are the product of luck or fraud rather than skill" (1), can impact nearly anyone, and is a truly horrible experience to have. It's so prevalent, in fact, that some surveys have found that at least 70% of adults have felt like imposters at some point in their life (2).
There are different theories of why Imposter Syndrome exist, with some people thinking it serves as a way to keep people from overstepping their abilities (3). This is considered part of evolutionary psychology, a positive by stopping us from attempting to do something that we can't, potentially harming us. However, this isn't exactly helpful in today's day and age, where IS can hold us back instead.
My personal experience with IS has shown me that one of the biggest triggers for it in my life is when other people expressed negative opinions of my goals. When it's just me and my future that I'm looking at, things seem better. Not perfect, but certainly better than when I have to consider other people's opinions of it.
People seem to think that every little thing that happens requires their input and viewpoint, when it hasn't been asked for. Sometimes they wish to compare their goals to yours, tearing them down until you are either on the same level, or seemingly beneath them. Perhaps this occurs because they, too, feel like they aren't deserving of whatever they have accomplished, or it's because they haven't accomplished much, but no matter the reasoning, it can hurt to hear.
If you're dealing with IS, here are a few things you can do to help reduce the effect it has:
- Accept compliments. It can be easy to brush them off and feel like you don't deserve them, but something as simple as accepting them can make you feel better. Even if you don't immediately change the way they make you feel, hearing yourself accept compliments can alter your perception over time.
- Understand that failure doesn't define you, but neither do your accomplishments. In my eyes, failure and success are two sides of the same coin, and neither can exist without the other. If we think that all we are are the amazing things that we've done, the moment those are taken away, or even diminished, our sense of self can also seem less than. Find some things that you like to do that aren't about accomplishments.
- Set easily achievable goals. If you're not at a place where you can separate your sense of self from the accomplishments that you have, then try setting at least one goal that you know you'll finish. For example, something such as drinking a glass of water. This assures that you'll have an accomplishment to look back on.
- Make sure you have a support system in place. Friends can brighten up even the worst situations and knowing that you are supported means a lot. This should be a two-way street, of course. Don't make friends simply to have those to fall back on and be comforted by but hang out with people that make you happy and that you get along with, especially those with shared interests.
- If necessary, seek professional help. Finding space to talk about these feelings and work through them can be incredibly freeing, and while a lot of us may feel comfortable in talking to our friends, it's vital to remember that they have issues as well, and it may not be appropriate to hand off our feelings all the time. Talking to a therapist assures that you have this space and that the person you're talking to has the training to help you in the best way possible. Please be aware that it can take some time to find the therapist that will be right for you.
- For some people, leaning into IS can actually help. Maybe you are an imposter who isn't as good as you appear to be, but isn't that in and of itself an accomplishment? If you're so amazing that you can create and excel in life without actually having the skills to do so, that should be applauded.
Just remember: If someone's opinion of your achievements or goals is unnecessarily negative and unhelpful, then it isn't part of your journey and need not be heeded.
Works cited:
Gravois J. (2007). You're not fooling anyone. Chron. Higher Educ.54:1 .https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ782339
Chrousos, G. P., Mentis, A. A., & Dardiotis, E. (2020). Focusing on the Neuro-Psycho-Biological and Evolutionary Underpinnings of the Imposter Syndrome. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 1553. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01553